I:1:T I'd like to take a look at the usual, conventional wisdom relating to temper tantrums. Have you ever watched (or been subjected to) a tantrum in progress during the time a parent (maybe yourself) was following the traditional, typical ignore-the-tantrum advice? Maybe in some store, a child or baby was in a screaming rage. The parent dealt with the situation by (1) ignoring the child and the tantrum, (2) keeping cool and calm, (3) acting very nonchalant and unruffled, and (4) quickly (while appearing unhurried) getting through the checkout counter and out of the store. This was much to the relief of everyone involved, except likely the child-whose anger at that time had climbed to an extreme level.
Let's take a closer look at this paradigm. (I guarantee-that's the only super-annoying scholarly language I will use here.) Dealing with temper tantrums by ignoring them is part of a very, very old parenting model or set of values, assumptions, practices, and concepts that constitutes a way of viewing tantrum reality that is misguided or wrongheaded.
The experts have been telling parents all along to ignore temper tantrums simply because (so they say) it's just the best way to deal with temper tantrum behavior in children. But parenting experts usually admit that responding by ignoring never changes or eliminates the tantrum behavior-since, after all, tantrum behavior for children is normal, natural, and inevitable.
Tantrum Probability: Tantrum behavior + responding by ignoring = tantrum behavior.
This circular theory begs a number of questions. What ability is there for parents to know if they are ignoring the temper tantrums thoroughly enough or well enough? I'm just kidding. I really don't think anyone asks that question. They should, though. How can any parents possibly know if the technique of ignoring tantrums is even valid and beneficial like the experts say it is? There's no change or success whatsoever to measure and nothing with which to evaluate the effectiveness of this technique. In fact, this technique doesn't purport to be effective in creating a change. The use of this technique isn't meant to solve anything. If the temper tantrum behavior stays the same or perhaps even gets worse, the parents are just supposed to keep responding by ignoring-just because the parenting experts say so.
And that's just what I did at the beginning of my parenting career. I ignored the temper tantrums of my first four babies until they each outgrew the tantrums, usually around the age of two. I responded by ignoring the tantrums of my fifth baby as well, until I learned that this technique was contributing to and provoking his temper tantrum behavior. I came to learn that ignoring tantrum and pre-tantrum anger is really part of the cause of tantrums. And I came to understand that as long as tantrums are ignored they will continue to occur.
Let's take a closer look at this paradigm. (I guarantee-that's the only super-annoying scholarly language I will use here.) Dealing with temper tantrums by ignoring them is part of a very, very old parenting model or set of values, assumptions, practices, and concepts that constitutes a way of viewing tantrum reality that is misguided or wrongheaded.
The experts have been telling parents all along to ignore temper tantrums simply because (so they say) it's just the best way to deal with temper tantrum behavior in children. But parenting experts usually admit that responding by ignoring never changes or eliminates the tantrum behavior-since, after all, tantrum behavior for children is normal, natural, and inevitable.
Tantrum Probability: Tantrum behavior + responding by ignoring = tantrum behavior.
This circular theory begs a number of questions. What ability is there for parents to know if they are ignoring the temper tantrums thoroughly enough or well enough? I'm just kidding. I really don't think anyone asks that question. They should, though. How can any parents possibly know if the technique of ignoring tantrums is even valid and beneficial like the experts say it is? There's no change or success whatsoever to measure and nothing with which to evaluate the effectiveness of this technique. In fact, this technique doesn't purport to be effective in creating a change. The use of this technique isn't meant to solve anything. If the temper tantrum behavior stays the same or perhaps even gets worse, the parents are just supposed to keep responding by ignoring-just because the parenting experts say so.
And that's just what I did at the beginning of my parenting career. I ignored the temper tantrums of my first four babies until they each outgrew the tantrums, usually around the age of two. I responded by ignoring the tantrums of my fifth baby as well, until I learned that this technique was contributing to and provoking his temper tantrum behavior. I came to learn that ignoring tantrum and pre-tantrum anger is really part of the cause of tantrums. And I came to understand that as long as tantrums are ignored they will continue to occur.
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